tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452366057148963499.post7665962043584737955..comments2023-10-23T09:32:36.171-07:00Comments on The Crimson Rambler: a momentCrimson Ramblerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020190454645032359noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452366057148963499.post-58708386541132975262009-05-24T17:10:28.249-07:002009-05-24T17:10:28.249-07:00Yes, I really dislike these situations...which lea...Yes, I really dislike these situations...which leave me standing there listening and occasionnaly nodding my head....while saying not much in return...(But inside I'm thinking, "There's another nice church just down the street, maybe someone there can attend to your needs?")Terrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15667178624061122421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452366057148963499.post-67702497749612260462009-05-23T12:24:30.637-07:002009-05-23T12:24:30.637-07:00Thank you! You've put my difficulties extremely c...Thank you! You've put my difficulties extremely clearly!<br />YES...when someone calls and says, "come quick and bring the box, they've told my Mom her time is up" -- that's clear, that's straightforward, they want The Priest (any priest, really) and "I'm it"... and no matter how sad the underlying situation, it's a joy to be in a position to respond.<br />And I remember one old lady now gathered to her rest who called a friend (who then called the church office) to ask, "when you were sick did Anybody From That Church Come Near You?" (The capitals were audible!)<br />I began to visit her regularly...and early in that process she told me it had been 78 years since she'd had a "social" call from a member of the clergy. I always suspected she was just a little bit annoyed with me because she was trying for 80!!! And I had "spoilt her mad!"Crimson Ramblerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13020190454645032359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452366057148963499.post-56332398639078062592009-05-23T12:12:42.770-07:002009-05-23T12:12:42.770-07:00Indeed! I had not intended to imply that the attit...Indeed! I had not intended to imply that the attitude of entitlement you write of was justified. <br /><br />The provision of financial support to ongoing upkeep or one-off projects is a considerable and important part of many communities, but it is not a substitute for other contributions; community is not something that can be bought. I make some (small) financial contributions to a number of communities, but it is because I endorse and wish to support the work that they do, not because I am paying for a service rendered. Some of these are communities that I make other contributions to, others are not. Some people in some of these communities would consider me a part of the community, others would not. Some people in some of these communities would visit me if I were housebound or hospitalised, and others would not. <br /><br />I think that the difference between those who would visit me and those who would not has more to do with the individual relationships I have with those people than with my involvement in various more structured communities. Some of those friendships have arisen out of mutual participation in structured communities, some are more haphazard. I like to think I have no expectation that these friends would help me out, though there have been times when I have felt let down. I have far more frequently been very surprised by the amount of practical assistance my friends have given me, quite freely and often without being asked. It's staggering. <br /><br />I think that I would calibrate my expectations of clergy visitation based on what seems normal for that community; even then, I think I would be surprised at being visited if I did not have some sort of ongoing relationship with that member of clergy. I don't know how I would feel about asking them to visit, especially in a situation where it is not the norm, but I might do so if I felt a particular need for spiritual guidance or wanted to take communion and it wasn't otherwise available through, say, a hospital chaplain. But I am not other people. <br /><br />I am blessed with many friendships despite being what might be called "differently socialised". I wonder whether this nonagenarian's dissatisfaction is due to plain old loneliness, twisted up into something that can be complained about more easily. And what are our duties, as friends, community members or simply as human beings, toward those who are lonely, for whatever reason? Do their feelings of entitlement change our responsibility to provide comfort? Would this be different if their need were for enough food to eat or somewhere safe to sleep at night?<br /><br />I suspect that in communities where many members have also formed personal friendships, rates of visiting among laypeople would be higher, and feelings of entitlement based on structured roles might well be lower. I wonder whether this hunch is the case; if so, how can we foster and encourage those sorts of friendships, both within religious communities and extending outward from them? And where this doesn't happen, or where people have clashing expectations of what a community or friendship ought to provide, how can we encourage change without trampling over the pain of those who feel wounded or put-upon? <br /><br />All things I wonder, that's all. A tangly, knotty problem indeed.Song in my Hearthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13108400300327113931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452366057148963499.post-34668042506014404172009-05-23T10:35:51.613-07:002009-05-23T10:35:51.613-07:00neither excluded NOR unduly "entitled"...neither excluded NOR unduly "entitled"...Crimson Ramblerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13020190454645032359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452366057148963499.post-80014333510937123042009-05-23T06:04:34.178-07:002009-05-23T06:04:34.178-07:00What a knotty and tangly problem... how to effecti...What a knotty and tangly problem... how to effectively build up community in such a way that none feel excluded?Song in my Hearthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13108400300327113931noreply@blogger.com